So I was running on a treadmill, in a rather ill-lit basement, squeezing something of a work out in between exhausting lesson planning. I was worn out in every sense of the word and stuck in headphones–the soundtracks on my playlist are the only thing that keeps my legs going. Buried in work, new confusing situations, growing up financially, and all kinds of relationship changes, I’ve had a lot to process and running always helps clear things up. Even if you aren’t fresh out of college you can probably relate to facing chaos or transition in life.
I was listening to the Big Hero Six soundtrack and it was one of those triumphant songs… I hope you are listening to it right now to get the full affect. I tried to understand what it made me feel. “I feel brave” is not really strong enough to capture the feeling. “I want to be a better person” isn’t really specific enough. “I want to climb a mountain” is probably closer… but not quite right. “I want to win” is almost right. “I can win… I am winning.”
It’s the feeling that drives Olympic runners break new world records, it’s the feeling that brings people to the tops of mountain few have reached before, and it’s the feeling brings people to finally ask the one they love out to dinner. And it’s beautiful.
Out of all the chaos in the day and all the confusion…running on a rickety treadmill late at night listening to the Big Hero Six I found a lot peace and remembered a part of myself a person should never forget–the feeling of wanting to win and knowing that you can. It’s powerful.
Why winning is so important? This probably sounds like a stupid question to some people but for me its an honest inquiry and often times very specific. Why do I want certain things? Are the dreams I want to win valid? Are they truly important? I think about the languages I want to learn, the places I want to see, the person I want to be. I have had some pretty amazing experiences, and I want to have them again but I want to know my own motives. Everyone is going to find different motives for their dreams, many people are going to find a variety of reasons for wanting to win. For me there are two reasons that I could think of right away.
The first reason I want to win is quite briefly beauty. I want to gain things, experiences, or skills which I feel brings me closer to beauty.
The second reason is a little more complex and much deeper. When I think about the amazing sense of victory that comes with keeping my eye on the prize and winning it; when I think about the amazing sense of peace that comes with living the dreams of my heart won by hours of heart work and incredible blessings, it is not just satisfying or enjoyable. Suddenly standing on that mountain, my own personal mountain, I feel very close to God. I think, it is when we remember that we are meant for more, that we are meant for greatness and can achieve it, we remember who we really are.